That is how you make a fucking movie poster
Why does everyone assume that when you go see a movie, it has to be some grandiose life changing experience? Movies are made for entertainment and Crank entertains the fuck out of its audience. There is a time and a place for movies like Forrest Gump. You cannot honestly tell me you are always in the mood to watch a movie like that. Does no one else like watching a fun action film anymore? Back in the 70s-90s you could not go five seconds without seeing a new action film. These days it is all about vampires and comedies. Do not get me wrong, I love comedies but I would much rather watch a movie where a guy runs down the street with a boner so he does not die.
Has society devolved into a sexless organism that only wants things that make them cry or defines the way they think? Why is Titanic 3D a big thing? Who fucking cares. That movie was for girls when it was made and still is. Where the fuck is Crank 3D? Is there no market for "stupid" movies? Does the term stupid now apply to things that require a penis to enjoy. Actually scratch that. My mom loved Crank 2. Everyone is just too busy trying to be a refined member of society to enjoy something crass like Crank.
Yup. The idea of a group of midgets with hairy feet teaming up with humans, dwarfs, elves being led by 100 year old man to destroy an evil ring that grants super powers and is sought by another old man who leads an army of orcs and ghosts is not stupid at all. I totally buy it. Realistic. Makes you think.
The worst part is people can say The Lord of the Rings is amazing but it is literally as mindless as Crank. The Rings trilogy does not make you think. You are simply on the ride for an adventure. The same can be said for Indiana Jones. Those movies are fun because of the set pieces and visually appealing scenes. What is the most memorable moment from Raiders of the Lost Arc? It was the thrilling temple scene, not something the writers did that made you evaluate your life or put the characters in morally tortuous situations. But for some arbitrary reason, Crank is seen as a bad movie because it does not have a realistic plot or because it does not add value to you as a person. You want to applaud the Rings trilogy for its special effects and cinematography. Where the awards for Crank? Its hectic camera angles and bizarre visual effects (especially in Crank 2) fit the feel of the movie perfectly. The scene where Chev is hanging out of a helicopter is insane and its insanity is perfectly matched by the camera angles used to show it us. You constantly feel like you are going to fall out with Chev.
But fuck it right? Let us just support what the mainstream wants us to think. If it won't be nominated for an Academy Award, I won't watch it. Thank the heavens The Artist was nominated for an Academy Award or I would have never seen a silent movie.
